Feb 4, 2020
“I fell in love with a man who had a child from a previous marriage. When we were dating, he told me that his child would always come first and showed me a photo of her that he always kept with him. I quickly answered that that was only natural. Of course, his child should come first.
His daughter was a beautiful, queenly teenager when we married,
and I was insecure around her. Initially, I tried to "cook" my way
to her heart, but she rebelled against those dishes even when -- or
especially when -- she liked them. I didn't know what was wrong and
neither did she, but we also kept close by talking, walking,
shopping, doing nonsense together. Over time, we developed a
relationship that I cherish.
Although I treasure our relationship and my role in her life, it makes me wistful at times to be reminded that I will never be for her what her mother is. We will never have that natural ease, that unspoken connection. And I think to myself, will I ever forgive myself for you not being mine?”
Stella mentions Nuala O Faoláin writing about how the role of the stepmother from her book ‘Almost There’: https://www.amazon.com/Almost-There-Nuala-OFaolain/dp/1573222410