13: “Something I found hard becoming a mom was realizing how wrong my parents were in how they had raised me and how hard it is to break those cycles.”

Nov 19, 2019

Here’s the story we discuss this week:

 

“Something I found hard becoming a mom was realizing how wrong my parents were in how they had raised me and how hard it is to break those cycles. 

My father being tyrannical. Only spanking and ridding me of my responsibilities was his way of handling things. I didn’t have a mother, only step parents. One was very angry carrying a lot trauma. She had to of for abusing me like she did. I remember having to urinate in a corner of my room because she wouldn’t let me out. She would also feed me in my room. There was a time burned in my brain of me crying under my bed begging for my father to come home. That lasted a long time until my father found someone new around high school. 

I realized as my son got older, how I felt about my actions and reactions to his behavior. It wasn’t healthy. I felt like my malevolent evil step mother sometimes, or my impatient tyrannical father. My son is almost five now. My family gives me a lot of criticism for being “laid back” for not spanking my children and using their methods of fear and force. I’ve been listening to a lot of parenting podcasts and reading books to learn patience. I’ve also sought therapy to sift through the leftover trauma that was done unto me that I wasn’t really even aware of until I became a parent myself. Breaking learned parenting style has proven to be of the utmost rewarding thing I’ve done. I will forever strive to give my son the respect and love that I never had.”